Bedsharing / Our Sleep Journey So Far
- RealRelatable Mom
- May 12, 2022
- 6 min read
Disclaimer: As stated in the home page of my blog, I do not have any kind of medical background, and am not providing any kind of advice. This is simply a testimony of my real life experience.
Let me preface this by saying two things: I know bedsharing is a very controversial subject, and trust me, we had no intention of doing it before we had our baby.
During the first few days in the hospital, there was the occasional time when my baby would sleep all swaddled in that big plastic bassinet they have in the room, but most of the time she would fuss and start to cry pretty quickly after being put down, so we would pick her up again. She did most of her sleeping on me after I fed her, or in my mother's arms.
I remember the second night in the hospital was particularly rough. It was just my husband and I with our baby, and she was crying so much. I kept trying to feed her when she cried, and it would work for a little while, but then she'd start crying again. Every time we tried to lay her down in the bassinet, she would cry within five minutes. We were beyond tired already, having not had a proper rest since the day before my very long labor, and this was extremely challenging. My Mom came back again the next night and helped us by calming our baby and sleeping next to her on the cot, as that was the only way she'd stay asleep.
When we went home from the hospital (the first time), we had a bassinet next to our bed, which we were hoping to use. We also had a mini bassinet that goes on the bed, in case the bassinet wouldn't work.
I don't think we had much hope going into it, after how things had gone in the hospital, but I was so determined to follow the safe sleep guidelines and have her on her back on her own sleep surface in our room.
The first night home, we tried laying her in her bassinet so many times, but every time, she would wake up almost instantly and start crying. She had the same issue with naps. For so long, we would just keep shushing, swaddling, rocking, calming her, and laying her down in one of her bassinets, only for her to wake up crying almost instantly. The only way she would sleep was in someone's arms.
During the first week or two, our Moms would literally take turns spending a few nights here so that we could get some rest in between the very frequent feeding sessions.
They would take her and get her to sleep in their arms. We were all so sleep deprived, and we had not had any more luck with getting her to sleep in the bassinets despite trying again and again. At one point we even tried to have her sleep wedged between my body and my arm, while swaddled (one of the things I would not do now that I know more about safe bedsharing). It worked once, then she would just cry every time after a few minutes.
We continued with this method (using our Moms to watch her so we could sleep between feedings) for a few weeks, and everyone was completely exhausted. At one of our many doctors appointments early on, the doctor gave us some very helpful advice. She was trying to help with my low milk supply, and she said to just stay in bed with my baby, doing skin-to-skin and feeding on demand pretty much 24/7, and to kick my husband out of our room. We were very desperate at this point, and ready to try almost anything, so my husband got set up on the couch downstairs, and I got our bed all set up for my new system. I had pillows all over to support my baby as I fed her and as she slept, I had snacks, kleenex, TV remotes, medication, burp cloths, nail files, etc. - pretty much anything I might need set up on the bed, including a diaper changing station at the foot of the bed with a disposable changing pad. We even had the baby monitors set up like walkie talkies so that I could summon my husband for help if he was sleeping. I would crawl to the middle of the bed (at the back), set up pillows all around me, and breastfeed my baby in my arms. I would then watch TV while feeding her. When she slept (day or night), I would make sure my arms were propped up holding her, so that I couldn't really move, I'd put a travel neck pillow on me, I'd turn off the TV, and I'd sleep sitting up, until she woke me up again with her noises or moving. I did this method for a few days, and it was such a relief for me to not be trying so desperately to get her to sleep all hours of the night. I averaged somewhere around 2-5 hours of broken sleep at night, but my body had adjusted and gotten used to the sleep deprivation, so I felt decent. After a few days, I started leaving the room and going to the kitchen and living room during the day, but we kept the same routine at night for quite a while, because it worked for us.
When you're new parents, you just need to cling to whatever works for as long as it works (because it won't work forever - babies change constantly).
My husband was back to work at this point (working from home), so sleeping on the couch worked great for him, since he got lots of sleep. I, on the other hand, was burning through so many TV shows and movies. I watched many seasons of many different shows in such a short time. I was having a great time hanging out with my baby all the time, despite the sleep deprivation. Eventually, when my C-section scar had healed enough, I started trying to lay down and feed her in the side-lying breastfeeding position. It took a while for this to work, as she would often just cry right after feeding, and I'd have to get up with her again, and get back in the sitting position. The sitting position got much easier when I got the "My Brest Friend" pillow.
There would still be some nights when she would cry quite a bit and nothing would seem to work, but I'd just keep trying everything, and eventually she'd settle in my arms again. Breastfeeding has always been the best tool at my disposal.
I just loved spending the nights with her, because it meant I got to see her more and have more snuggles.
This sleeping setup just naturally progressed to traditional bedsharing, since it was already a form of bedsharing. Once I was really able to feed her in the side-lying position, and she would end up asleep most of the time, we stopped having the TV on, had less lights on, and eventually, my husband was able to return to sleeping in bed with us, when she started waking less often and more quietly, and going back to sleep more easily.
When I started bedsharing, I did lots of research to make sure I was doing it as safely as possible. I followed a bunch of co-sleeping Instagram accounts and learned about the safe sleep seven and the cuddle curl position, and I started to feel better about it.
All of the training we did before having our baby was very against bedsharing, and had an abstinence-only teaching approach about it, which is more dangerous, because bedsharing is likely to happen out of desperation, and the risks would be much higher when not knowing the safest way to do it.
Bedsharing has been so perfect for us. It has allowed us to get so much more sleep, it has certainly benefitted breastfeeding, and my baby and I love the snuggles so much!
She always wakes up with a huge smile on her face. She will eventually sleep in her own room, but I am in no rush to get her out of ours. I know I'll miss her like crazy when we do.
As a back sleeper, the cuddle curl position (side-lying) does cause a lot of body aches and joint pain for me (similar to when I was pregnant and had to sleep on my side), but it's so worth it. Bedsharing just feels so natural and instinctively right for us.
Zero judgment either way - to those whose baby sleeps in a bassinet or crib, kudos to you! I am very impressed by your accomplishment! It didn't work out as planned for us, and I'm very ok with that, because we've found what works for us, and I have loved the journey to where we are now.
Our baby is now seven months old, and we're still happily bedsharing. I feel secure in our choice, and it helps reduce the anxiety I would have if she weren't with me. We regulate each other and basically become one person at night.
Some bedsharing resources:
Some of my favorite co-sleeping Instagram accounts:
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