It's funny that I wrote this whole post without even remembering that I had previously written a post called “Having Another Baby in the Future”. This post has some similar themes, but a different outlook.
As a second child myself, I always assumed that I would have two kids. I knew I didn't want more than two, but figured two was a good number. My sister and I are four years apart, and we certainly had our fair share of sibling rivalry over the years, but since we've grown up, we've gotten along much better. We love each other and enjoy hanging out together. I always thought I'd like to give that kind of relationship to my child. Recently, I started giving some serious thought to whether or not I actually want to have a second child. Ultimately, I came to the surprising conclusion that I don't think I feel the need or desire to have another child. Some of the main reasons (and counter-reasons why we decided against it) I thought I might want to have another child include:
I wanted my daughter to have a sibling, like I have a sibling - to play with and share experiences and memories with.
Counter-point: I realized that my daughter has three cousins with whom she has a very close, almost sibling-like relationship. She will also have friends and other relationships in the future. My husband is an only child, and doesn't feel like he missed out in this regard.
My daughter is so perfect, and we all love her so much, it seems sad to miss out on a chance at another wonderful baby/child.
Counter-point: It occurred to me that I don't feel a burning desire to have another baby, and I feel that our family is already complete. There are also a lot of risks that come with having another baby, and it just doesn't seem worth it.
Babies are adorable and fun.
Counter-point: Yes, they are. I love babies, and they are so tiny and adorable, but they are also soo much work. My daughter was an extremely high-maintenance baby who cried a lot and had a lot of challenges. I enjoyed being pregnant for the most part, but my daughter's birth did not go well at all, and then I had a postpartum infection. I also had issues with breastfeeding and low milk supply. After thinking about everything, I just realized that I don't really have any desire to do it all again, even if it all went perfectly the second time (which is unlikely). Also, while I have loved raising my daughter so far, I certainly don't yearn to start from birth with a whole new baby again. I feel very satisfied with my experience. As I described to my husband, it's almost like we already had two, because my daughter was so small for so long (she's still so tiny that she wants to be carried all the time), is still nursing to sleep at almost three and a half years, and had a number of developmental delays, so I feel like we've had plenty of time with each phase. We've cherished every day with our little girl - even though I expected to still have another one, I always told myself to enjoy my time with her, in case we didn't end up having another.
I still have all the clothes and stuff we used for my daughter, so we would save a lot of money.
Counter-point: While we might save some money, we would also have to keep all the stuff for even longer (and we wouldn't actually save that much, compared to the added expenses). There's so much clutter between Sophie's clothes and toys since birth, high chairs, playpen, baby gates, breastfeeding stuff, maternity and nursing clothes, infant car seat, etc. I would really just love to get rid of a bunch of it, because our house is too full of stuff. There's also the bedroom issue - we would either need to lose our storage room downstairs and our daughter would need to have a downstairs bedroom, or the kids would need to share a fairly small room. We moved to this house just over a year ago, and we love this house and do not want to move again.
We learned a lot while raising my daughter, so some things might be easier the second time around.
Counter-point: It seems like everyone always says the second child is completely different, so I doubt that what we know now would even be that beneficial. I also feel like we have already forgotten a lot.
Overall, we think we are maxed out with our daughter in terms of what we can handle, or at least what we want to handle.
Our family already feels complete, and our daughter is enough of a handful on her own. We have an insane cat, and anytime the two of them are both being bad, I find it so overstimulating and rage-inducing. I think having more children would be too hard on our lives and our relationship. I am so eager to get rid of all the baby clothes and such, and to just get on with living our lives as a family of three. We'll be able to make our money go further and do more for our daughter, as well as spend more time with her and give her more attention. I already feel like I don't do enough with her, despite being with her almost 24/7. I'm also just starting to get a little bit of freedom in being able to leave her with other family members for longer periods of time. We still haven't even had a night without her yet.
I am in awe of anyone who manages to have more than one child - I think you are all amazing!
We just decided it isn't for us, in our specific circumstances. I feel like there are still other factors as well, but this sums up most of our considerations. The more I think about not having another child, the more I feel at peace with our decision, and excited for the future.
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